Here in the now

Sometimes this place is dreadful. But not the kind of dreadful that you never want to get out of bed. It's the kind of busy that you have to be to keep from going insane. It's the kind of lonely where you keep strong and carry on because you know it could be worse. It's the kind of forgetful, where you feel like they are all forgetting you...or could it be that you are forgetting them? It's the kind of feelings that don't really count because there isn't really anything that is "wrong"

It's not that I hate my job or the place I'm in. I just know it could be, will be better. But only if I make it through another day. So load up my plate and say yes to one more thing. It's the kind of walk, or should I say run, that suddenly you look up and there is a bright star for a few days when you see a glimpse of what tomorrow holds. It's the kind of frustrating that seems to take forever, I can almost feel it and yet it seems like it's so many hops and skips away.

It's the kind of thoughts that make you appreciate people you had forgotten, or a memory that hadn't surfaced in a while. It's the kind of quiet that really isn't all that quiet because there is a constant stream of people in and out that really want to mean something to you. But it's that meaning you haven't quite figured out how to give out, when you know it's temporary. You know it's do-able, and a great opportunity, and so much more than say lucky, grateful, blessed.

But for now, it's just the now.